


lover of the light

by comradekeith



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Reunion, a lot of crying but a lot of happiness, shiro has a dog at home, there is a lot of emotions trademark, tw for some description of shiro's time as the champion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 23:44:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15497475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comradekeith/pseuds/comradekeith
Summary: those eyes. warm and brown, the feeling of dancing in autumn leaves and running barefoot in summer. playing acoustic guitar at sunset at the beach, the feeling of thunder in the air. the feeling of a hundred voices in a choir and the feeling of fingertips combing through hair. the color of kisses and the color of sunshine touching cheeks in the early mornings, the color ofwake up sleepy head, the color of loving adam.





	lover of the light

******_5:43 am_ **

earth is so close. within the grasp of shiro’s fingers, the pull of its oceans and the parting of clouds - he feels it, he knows it, even from three sun systems away. this is the closest the team has been to earth since they left with the blue lion.

the images of home, with mam and aba. mam standing by the stove, brewing that special kind of tea, the tea with the faint smell of cherries and vanilla. aba with his arms around mam, resting his head on her shoulder. mam chuckling as they sway in the early morning light sipping through the blinds of the windows. shiro sitting at the table, smiling and overwhelmed by love for his small but wonderful family.

images of keith - tiny and nervous about a new home and he takes no shit but he cries when shiro shows him the room that will be his. racing across the sunny fields of sandbeds with their two hoverbikes, diving alongside steep cliffwalls and shouting their celebrations of happiness and amusement. a blanket across their shoulders, resting against the bikes. watching the stars.

“someday i’ll follow you up there,” says keith and points to the many stars twinkling in the nightsky.

“i’m sure you will. nerd.”

“hey!”

**_5:57 am_ **

images of adam.

at some point shiro lost the photo he had of him. most likely during his first time as a galra prisoner. it was a nice picture - a selfie of the both of them during adam’s birthday party. his glasses are askew on his freckled nose, he’s got a badly crafted party hat on top of his ruffled hair that keith made him in a hurry. adam - with his arm around shiro’s neck. he’s laughing in the photo. he bites his tongue when he laughs, it pokes out between his teeth - it’s adorable. crinkled eyes, creating wrinkles around the corners. if shiro looked really closely at that photo, he could make out the slightest sliver of brown between adam’s almost closed eyelids.

those eyes. warm and brown, the feeling of dancing in autumn leaves and running barefoot in summer. playing acoustic guitar at sunset at the beach, the feeling of thunder in the air. the feeling of a hundred voices in a choir and the feeling of fingertips combing through hair. the color of kisses and the color of sunshine touching cheeks in the early mornings, the color of _wake up sleepy head_ , the color of loving adam.

it’s an old picture. it’s been a long time since shiro last saw adam. how long, he’s not sure. three years, three and a half, maybe? it is too much to hope adam hasn’t moved on. their relationship never had an official end, but adam was tired of worrying. worrying about shiro not coming back and worrying about shiro getting worse. they didn’t break up, but they both agreed on taking a break in their relationship until shiro got back. adam needed to think about himself and deal with his own anxiety, and adam thought shiro had a big risk of getting hurt. adam needed a break, to distance himself a little from this whole thing. shiro remembers the night before he left for kerberos.

“don’t go missing on me, kashi.”

“i won’t. babe, you know i’ll always come back to you, right?”

“i know. i’m just worried. no human has ever traveled as far as you will. and i’m scared you’ll be gone. i’m allowed to be worried, you ass.”

“i know. but it’s going to be fine.”

“i love you.”

“i love you too.”

**_6:03 am_ **

they had a fight a few months before shiro left for kerberos. at that point they were engaged. maybe that was to their disadvantage. they were close, too close, and shiro couldn’t reach for the stars while holding adam in his arms. he couldn’t have both, it seemed.

adam was mad.

“you’re choosing a moon over me?”

“it’s not like that.”

“then tell me! what is it! what is more important than your fiancé? than you? you can die out there!

“adam, you know my dream is to explore the universe. with my illness, i don’t have a lot of time. i love you, shit, i love you so much. but this has been my dream since i was a kid. i don’t know how many more chances i’ll get.”

“i can’t do this anymore.”

“i understand.”

“no, you don’t! i love you, takashi! i love you! and i want you here where you’re safe and sound and i can hold your hand and kiss you goodnight and give you a massage when your pain spikes up. i’m scared, because what if you die while you’re up there and i’ll be left with a letter from iverson or some other motherfucker that expresses their condolences.”

that evening ended with a lot of tears and a mutual agreement to take a break while shiro was away on his mission. shiro saw adam’s side of the debate, but going to kerberos was a once-in-a-lifetime chance. adam saw shiro’s side of the debate, but he couldn’t stand the pressure of worrying this much.

**_6:05 am_ **

shiro kissed his loved one _goodbye, see you soon_. a silent oath to return, and he kissed adam’s hands and they intertwined their hands together.

“kashi?”

“yeah?”

“when you get back, if i haven’t moved on or something, promise me one thing?”

“always.”

“propose to me again.”

shiro laughed and cupped adam’s jaw with his hands.

“was already planning to.”

**_6:09 am_ **

“lance?”

“yeah?”

“can i talk to you?”

“shiro! of course!”

standing in the black lion again feels strange. the last time shiro was in the black lion was with his little brother, on their way back to their second family. and shiro didn’t have a body when he last time. now he’s here with another brother - that’s what lance has become to shiro - on their way down to earth. to their first family.

earth. home. mam. aba.

(adam)

shiro is afraid.

he has changed. not only physically - he is stronger and scarred and he’s lost a limb. he changed mentally, too. he’s got some kind of ptsd. he now understands what worrying for another person’s life is like. he’s learned to lead and to kill. he’s not the same person anymore. or rather, he’s got a thirty-feet wall blocking the outside from who he was before everything happened.

what if his mam and aba won’t recognize his face? his face, his person, his voice, his words?

“are you scared, lance?”

“of what?”

“that everyone you know has moved on.”

lance sends shiro a look. it’s sympathetic. not pitying, but kind and gentle.

“i don’t know, man. i mean, i’m scared that my nieces and nephews won’t remember me because they were so young when i last saw them. but for my closest family? nah. they might think i’m dead - if sam didn’t get them the recorded messages, and they might have moved on. but they wouldn’t forget, y’know?”

“yeah.”

“is this about adam?”

“you know about adam?” lance snorts as if that’s the most obvious thing in the universe.

“uh, duh! you were my hero growing up, of course i know about adam! well, you still are my hero but don’t tell the others i said that because they’ll never let me live it down.”

shiro can not for the life of him figure out why lance would look up to shiro as much as he does. shiro hasn’t done any particularly incredible deeds.

“can i ask why?” lance raises an eyebrow.

“why what?”

“why you look up to me?”

lance goes quiet and taps the steering rods with his index fingers. swishy clouds disappear as they enter the earth’s atmosphere with a slow but steady pace. a minute passes, and shiro is ready to let the subject go when lance speaks up again.

“i mean. you’re a lot like me, i guess.” he shrugs and glances up at shiro, as if to check that shiro is paying attention. “you were openly out as gay and you’re a person of color. and you’re so cool! you broke record after record and you’re young and i dunno man... for a closeted bi boy of color, to see someone that young and so much like me accomplish that much? it's pretty awesome. you’re pretty awesome.”  shiro smiles and pats lance on the shoulder.

“that makes me really happy, lance.” lance barks out a laugh, but it’s nervous and hesitant.

“i’ve never said it out loud before, y’know.” shiro stays quiet, inviting lance to keep talking. “that i’m bi.”

“i’m proud of you.” that makes lance smile.

“thanks, shiro. you’re the best.”

**_6:15 am_ **

lance drops off shiro by his parent’s house and bids his goodbyes. they’re all meeting up again in a day or two, but for now lance needs to get to his own family. he’s missed them and shiro shoos him and the black lion out of there. black rumbles with playful affection and then they fly away under the cover of the invisibility cloaking.

thanks to the cloaking pidge has installed to all five lions, they don’t have to make too much of a fuss. right now, it feels better to take it easy. avoid confrontation by the press and people by not revealing the gigantic sentient mecha lions from light years away.

his parent’s house stands as it always did. a small little thing with a wooden fence around the garden. the house is smaller than he remembered. it’s ten feet high without counting the roof, and the roses seem to cling to the walls. growing up, taking support from the house. the roses are red and pink, the petals are browned at the edges. the roses that aba loves so much. aba loves his little garden.

shiro stands with his hand on the gate by the fence. afraid to enter. too afraid of what awaits for him inside, afraid that his parents won’t remember him, or what if they moved, or what if one of them died? they weren’t particularly old when shiro left for the kerberos mission, but what if? what if, what if?

but the garden outside the rustic little house is welcoming and familiar. the sunflowers growing just on the other side of the fence. the pots of basil and mint and rosemary and thyme by the kitchen window. aba could open that window and harvest mint for his evening tea every day. by the right side of the house are the fruit trees; an apple tree and a cherry tree. the cherries are ripe but it doesn’t seem like anyone’s picked them just yet.

bees and butterflies fly around the garden.

this must be what peace feels like.

shiro gently pushes the gate open. the hinges whine and definately needs some oil. a bird chirps from the cherry tree. his shoes thump against the uneven stones leading up to the front door of the house.

above the doorbell is a framed picture of the family shiro drew when he was four. blobby heads and sticks for legs drawn in crayon. the englassed piece of paper has wrinkles where it had been folded when shiro took the drawing home from kindergarten.

shiro watches the drawing. it was a long time ago. his fingers search their way up to touch the edges of the plastic yellow frame. young takashi.

tears well up in the corners of his eyes and he sniffles. damn it. he’s not even inside and he’s already crying.

a bark louds from inside. the patter of paws running and slipping across the floors. sora. shiro’s missed her. she stands on the other side of the door, barking like a maniac. shiro puts his ear to the door and laughs. home is by the other side of this door. sora’s hysterical barking increases when shiro knocks loudly. he takes a step back, stands in front of the two steps leading up to the door. he hears muffled voices inside.

his heart is going to burst out of his chest.

the door opens and out speeds sora. her stumpy legs soar down the steps and she barks and whines and yaps. she stops in front of shiro, takes a hesitant sniff by his shoes. she growls, but wiggles her entire body in excitement. her head raises and shiro look into her glazed-over eyes. she can’t see him, that hasn’t changed, but she’s almost sure it’s him.

“hi, girl.” her ears perk and she jumps in place. shiro crouches and sora whines and wiggles and twists to smell all of him and lick his face and to feel him, that he’s actually there.

“takashi?”

his mam stands in the doorway.

pale, her hand against the doorframe. she’s in her white nightgown, her black hair tied into a bun. bags under her eyes, grey strands blooming from her scalp. the newly risen sun reflects in her dark eyes, her wide dark brown eyes that can’t believe what they’re seeing.

“mam.” shiro gets to his feet, sora still jumping by his feet and whining. “mam, it’s me.”

tears begin to trickle down her cheeks. she sobs loudly and she yells into the house for aba to come out. she stumbles down the steps and shiro leans forward to catch her with his one arm.

“takashi,” she says and she cries against his shoulder. “my boy. my boy, takashi. you’re here.” shiro holds her and breathes in the scent of mam, of home, of finally being back, and he cries too. aba screams when he sees shiro.

“takashi,” he yells and rushes to join their embrace. “takashi.” aba holds shiro tight and kisses his forehead and strokes his hair, runs his old and calloused fingers through the white strands.

**_9:37 am_ **

after hours of talking and hugging and kissing and crying, shiro is worn out and doesn’t think he’s able to handle anything more. they sit by the table, mam made his favorite, the cherry-vanilla tea and sora won’t leave shiro’s lap.

aba can’t take his eyes off of shiro. the two of them hold hands over the table, and neither of them wants to let go.

“i’m still not sure if i’m dreaming or not.”

“me too, aba.”

the kitchen window is open. the bird from the cherry tree is long gone. the bees are buzzing. a butterfly sips nectar from one of the flowers in the flower box. the strong scent of basil seeps into the house along with the warm sunlight. sora snores lightly and nuzzles shiro’s stomach.

shiro clears his throat, building up the courage to ask the question he’s been aching to ask.

“have you… heard anything,” shiro has to stop and swallow. mam and aba look at him with gentle gazes. “have you heard from adam?” mam and aba share looks as if to decide who will deliver the news.

“yes,” says aba, squeezing shiro’s hand. “it’s been difficult for him. when you… when the garrison said you died, adam and keith stuck together. they came over here sometimes. they both believed the garrison was hiding something.” tears well up in aba’s eyes again. “they were so sad, kashi.”

“when keith… when keith also disappeared, we kind of lost contact with adam,” says mam and shiro’s heart hurts. she and aba loves adam. “he doesn’t seem much for talking. last we heard he got fired from the garrison.”

“what? what for?” shiro can’t hide his surprise. adam loved his job, what did he do to get fired?

“i don’t know, honey,” says mam and she, too, takes shiro’s hand and squeezes. “there were no details in the newspaper, and he wouldn’t tell us, but i’d believe it had something to do with your disappearances to do.”

“oh.”

“he still lives at the apartment you two shared,” says aba. “we call him weekly, but as mam said, he’s rarely in the mood for talking.” sympathy ponders at the edges of shiro’s heart. he can’t imagine how horrible this must have been for adam. the fight they had before - all of adam’s worries and concerns.

when… when the paladins recorded messages to their families, shiro didn’t record anything. well, shiro wasn’t really shiro per se, it was kuron’s choice not to record a message. kuron was connected to the black lion, and shiro was connected to the black lion, which created an indirect link between shiro and kuron. shiro could spy through the black lion on kuron, in the same way that haggar could spy on the team through kuron. only shiro was connected mentally to both the black lion and kuron.

when the messages was being recorded, kuron felt nothing. kuron had the memories of adam and the memories of shiro’s parents, but for kuron, recording messages was not part of his programming and the mission came first. even if they didn’t have a mission at the time, he was still heavily influenced by the control pursued by haggar.

adam had no idea whether shiro was alive or not.

“i need to see him.” mam and aba nod together, and they hold his hand. afraid to let go.

**_9:46 am_ **

saying goodbye is not easy. mam and aba and shiro hug for ten minutes before they’re able to let go of each other and they’re all crying again.

“i promise i’ll come back,” says shiro with a voice barely louder than a whisper. “it might be a while, because we’re not done defending the universe.”

“we understand, honey,” says aba. “it’s okay. just call once in a while, come back for dinner. bring keith with you. and adam.” aba sobs and mam pats his back.

“i don’t want to go,” says shiro and he feels like a child. he wants to stay here with his mam and aba and with sora and never see purple again or hear the shooting of a gun ever again. he wants to stay in this slice of heaven. he is probably being selfish, but he doesn’t care. he’s tired of all the fighting, he wants to stay home.

“you don’t have to,” says mam. but he does have to. his team is counting on him, his second family is counting on him. shiro wants nothing more than to stay but if he stays then the universe is in danger. zarkon might be defeated, lotor might be defeated, but haggar is left and who knows what she is up to? there is so much left to do. and he’s already contacted keith through the comms and told him to pick him up by the field half a mile away from shiro’s parent’s house.

“yes, i do,” says shiro and starts crying again.

**_10:07 am_ **

keith and shiro stay quiet the short minute it takes to travel from mam and aba’s house to adam’s apartment. shiro doesn’t know what to say. keith lands the red lion in the desert, a mile away from the apartment buildings near the garrison.

“shiro, are you okay?” asks keith and turns in his seat. shiro thinks for a second.

“no, not really.” his head feels lost. like he’s floating.

“do you want me to go with you? to adam?”

“it’s okay. i think i need a little time with him alone, first. but then you better get you ass in there because i’m sure adam has missed you a hell of a lot.” keith nods.

“okay.”

“hey, if you want to, you can go talk to mam and aba. they told me they miss you.”

“... maybe. if you’ll go with me.”

“okay.”

“i’ll leave you alone. keep your comm open though. i’ll go to lance’s family or something. he said i was welcome there so…” keith’s hands fiddle on the steering rods. “so yeah. i’ll probably go there.” at any other time, shiro would have taken this opportunity to tease keith about his crush and embarrass him, but not right now. the storm welling up inside of shiro is too uncontrollable to focus on anything other than _adam is so close._

**_10:39 am_ **

shiro walks very slowly the short mile between the red lion and the building named vega. he thinks about what he should say, what he should do, he analyzes the situation and thinks about every possible outcome.

before shiro knows it, he’s standing outside his old apartment. he must have spaced out, because he can’t remember taking the stairs or the elevator to the fifth floor, and his head is sending signals to a right hand he doesn’t have to knock. to knock or ring the doorbell or pick up the spare key outside, buried beneath the third tulip next to the main entrance on the ground floor. 

shiro decided to refrain from a new prosthetic. simply talking about getting a new one brings him to the edges of panic attacks and his head fill with memories of bloodshed and killing with his arm that turned into a weapon. his head fill with memories of a desire to kill keith because he was connected to kuron and he could feel the feelings kuron felt. and kuron felt mission, mission, mission because yes, he was real and almost an actual person, but he had a master that controlled him. kuron was a marionette puppet with limited feelings.

shiro saw through kuron’s eyes while he fought his little brother.

he remembers screaming and hitting and kicking on the wall blocking him from the outer world, begging kuron to please, stop, don’t do this, and kuron had said i’m sorry, i have no choice. 

he hurt keith. gave him a burn on his cheek to probably last a lifetime. shiro will never forgive himself for letting that happen, even if keith has forgiven him. keith says it wasn’t shiro’s fault at all. but if only shiro had been a little bit stronger, if he had managed to break down that wall blocking him from taking control over the clone’s body, then maybe…. maybe he wouldn’t have tried to kill his own brother.

shiro and the black lion melded together. she absorbed his essence, his very soul, and kept him safe. because of that, shiro could at times share body with kuron, though that mostly became confusing as their very alike minds fused together. it became harder to seperate shiro from kuron and kuron from shiro, because together they were almost a person. a genetically modified and cloned person, but almost a person. shiro alone lacked a body and kuron alone lacked a soul. together they had a body, a soul and a mind. collaborations were the most logical choice even if shiro often got lost and blurry in the process. his soul was weak and still recovering.

shiro remembers that time when the paladins called out to him in the voltron headspace. a realm of voids close to the black lion’s consciousness. he heard them call out to him, when he was deeply entangled in the mind of kuron, and he had to fight his way out and black had to pull him and throw him into that same void as the other paladins. he tried to contact lance, calling out his name but he disappeared because they didn’t have enough time. again, there was a wall blocking shiro from the real world.

that’s how shiro feels, standing outside adam’s door. it’s a fragile door, if you slam it too hard it will jump off the hinges, and there are cracks where the handle is because they accidently ripped it away when they came home from an afterwork party, drunk and silly and in love.

this door feels like a five feet thick cement wall. and on the other side is adam.

**_10:43 am_ **

come on, shiro. you can do it. you’ve faced a 10,000 year old emperor and fought him with your mind. you’ve endured months of torture and you’ve seen death spread all around you. you got your arm cut off. you’ve slaughtered and you’ve hurt people. you’ve seen the people you love get hurt.

this shouldn’t be scarier.

**_10:45 am_ **

it is scarier.

so much scarier.

**_10:48 am_ **

inhale. exhale. eight seconds.

adam is just a knock away.

**_10:51 am_ **

knock. knock.

shiro feels like he’s going to faint. the thought spins around in his head, sugar being threaded to cotton candy, a spider creating its web. the eye of a hurricane.

adam. adam. adam. adam. adam.

the taste of his name lives on the tip of his tongue.

it tastes like apple-scented shampoo and homemade cinnamon buns. it tastes like laughing into the crook between his neck and his shoulder, like kissing him goodnight on new years eve.

adam.

shiro hears footsteps inside, a lock that clicks. he’s not ready, oh god he’s not ready, what if adam doesn’t want him here, they’re not technically together anymore and what if adam moved on and either way he’ll be mad and

the door swings open. it creaks and it echoes in the empty corridor when it hits the wall. adam always swung the door all the way open.

and there he is.

supporting himself against the doorframe with his hip, stifling a yawn. his hair is ruffled and uncombed, there are red patterns on his cheek from where he probably fell asleep on the couch or the soft carpet in the living room. his glasses are hanging of the tip of his broad nose. they have the same shape but he switched out his black ones to a pair of dark green ones. he’s wearing a crumpled dark grey tank top which has a stain on it by the hem near his clavicle. he’s wearing loose basketball shorts and he’s standing barefoot on the welcome mat.

shiro’s eyes scan adam up and down and the short hallway behind him. shiro’s fancy shoes are still there. the tiniest string of hope lights up inside of him. the clock on the wall that stopped has been fixed. it’s ticking like it should be.

adam shakes the sleepiness out of his head, rubs his eyes and looks at shiro.

“hm?” it is a question. a question shiro doesn’t have the answer to.

“uh,” says shiro.

god damn it.

adam blinks and does a double take. he squints his eyes and leans forward just a bit.

“uh. hi,” says shiro and his throat is dry and he’s never been more nervous in his life.

adam’s eyes widen and his jaw drops. takes half a stumbling step backwards, hits his head against the box where they keep their keys. he doesn’t seem to care. his fingers find their way up to his lips, covering his open mouth. shiro inhales and he smiles uncertainty.

“hi,” he says while exhaling.

tears well up in adam’s eyes. shiro wants to hug him, say _oh no, babe, please don’t cry._ but he can’t move.

“... takashi?” adam’s fingers tremble as they reach out towards shiro. like his hands are trying to find the right frequency to see him clearly. shiro’s eyes dart between adam’s face and the trembling fingers that keep reaching. shiro’s own fingers raise to meet adam’s. slowly, cautious, like lions determining whether the other is peaceful. adam’s hands look the same. more calloused than shiro remembers, but with the same freckles and the the same moles and the same scars. he cut his index finger really badly once when they were making chicken teriyaki after a long day of work. the short scar is still there.

their fingertips touch. adam exhales and his face relaxes in bewilderment. he looks up from their fingers, and he smiles and tears fall down his face.

“it’s you,” adam says, like he doesn’t believe it. “you’re real. you’re actually here.” he smiles and he play with shiro’s fingers, runs his own finger pads over shiro’s knuckles. he chuckles and he keeps looking up, meeting shiro’s eyes and then shifting his attention back to their hands as they intertwine.

shiro smiles and he can taste salt in the corner of his mouth. he doesn’t have the arms to wipe the tears away. literally. the one he has left is occupied with making sure that adam is here. before him. real. existing. alive.

“adam,” shiro says under his breath and then they’re both sobbing and shiro has his arm around the man he loves for the first time in what must be three years.

shiro’s bigger than him now. his chest is wider because of the quintessence pumped into his veins and the combat training and the war itself. adam was always taller, and he still is. by an inch or so. adam tangles his hand into shiro’s hair and he sobs. shiro holds him as they sink to the floor together.

shiro laughs and he cries as he hold adam’s face in his hand, thumbing at his soft and wet cheeks, nails softly clinking against the frames of the glasses.

“takashi,” adam cries into shiro’s neck. shiro places his chin on top of adam’s head, holds him, keeps him close to his heart. “takashi. you’re here. they all said you were dead.” he pushes away hastily and now he cups shiro’s face. “after keith disappeared…”

“i know.”

“how are you here? i began to think that you died.” shiro laughs - tear induced deluxe, and leans into the hand on his right cheek.

“actually, funny story -”

“nuh-uh. i don’t want to hear it.” they both laugh. and then they cry some more. eventually they move into the actual apartment, to the couch in the living room. still holding each other. shiro asks adam if he wants to hear what happened, but adam shakes his head.

“not right now. i don’t think i can handle more surprises.”

“okay.”

there is a silence. it’s bordering on the line of awkward. it’s been a long, long time.

“can we just… cuddle?” asks adam, already seating himself into a more comfortable position. “just for a bit? then we’ll talk.”

shiro can’t stop the smile. it’s soft and small, gentle and genuine. the most honest smile he’s smiled since he left for kerberos.

“i’d love that.”

**_11:13 am_ **

they’re laying on the couch in the living room. there is a lot to be said between them, and they need to talk as soon as possible. there’s almost too much to talk about, too big to talk about; where does shiro even start?

shiro’s laying down on the couch at this point, with adam laying on top of him. chest against chest, heart against heart, legs touching and fingers combing through hair. every now and then the tears return. adam plays with shiro’s hair with his right hand and puts his left hand on shiro’s neck, beneath his jawline. presses. feels his pulse. shiro hold adam with his one arm, his hand weighing down on the crown of adam’s head. adam’s nose resting on shiro’s left shoulder.

adam’s fingers make their way across shiro’s skin, towards the arm he lost. wavering over the scars on his shoulder. thumbing the white scar tissue with soft fingers, barely touching at all. shiro can’t help but tense a little when adam finds the end of his shoulder, where his arm should be. he shifts slightly, adam takes his hand away.

shiro swallows. his throat is dry. how can he talk about what happened? adam folds his arm, keeps it close to himself. his voice is quiet, a breeze through tall grass in the morning, when he speaks.

“what happened to your arm?” he asks, with caution. shiro’s breath hitches because okay, he’s going to have to talk about this. adam deserves to know.

“it’s a long story,” says shiro and he sees adam’s forehead crinkle in annoyance out of the corner in his eye. “if you have the patience to listen to it, i’d be more than happy to tell you.” the crinkles smoothe out and shiro feels the motion of adam nodding against the crook of his neck.

“okay,” begins shiro. “so it all started when we arrived at kerberos.”

**_12:01 pm_ **

“wait, wait - hold it. you died but a super awesome mecha lion stored your soul and then allura, the alien princess, absorbed your soul and put you back in a… clone’s body?” shiro nods.

“yes. that’s what the others told me at least. i was unconscious when she put my soul back.”

“... i really don’t know what to say.”

“i know it’s unbelievable, i know. i can show you the lions if you want.”

“i do believe you. but i think i’ve had enough for a day, takashi.” shiro chuckles, although it’s nervous and the tiniest bit tense.

“so. i think that’s the gist of it,” he says and adam just stares at him. he’s cute.

“you’ll have to tell me more another day. we need to talk about some other things, too.”

“yes,” agrees shiro. adam thinks for a minute. now they’re sitting up, cross legged and facing each other. adam twists his hands in knots.

“i’m going to be honest, kashi. i’m kinda mad at you.” he keeps twisting his hands. shiro understands that he’s mad; none of this is fair to adam. it’s been three years since they last saw each other. two years and three months since they last talked. “i’m really mad. and i’m really happy, but i’m really confused.”

“i understand that,” says shiro. “i can’t have been easy for you, i’m -” adam shushes him.

“please let me talk a little.” shiro leans forward and braces his elbow on his own knee, supporting his chin with his curled up hand. he nods to encourage adam to continue.

“i’m mad because you haven’t contacted me. just… one little message, so i could know for certain you were alive. was that too much to ask for? you don’t understand how terrified i was when the messages from you stopped coming. i assumed you got caught or something, that you were forbidden to contact earth again, and it was only a week later that i got to know through tv-news that you were presumed dead.” adam is rambling hysterically, his foot bouncing in place. shiro watches him, listens to every word he has to say.

“i get that you couldn’t contact me while you were a prisoner, don’t get me wrong. but it’s been fifteen months since you managed to escape. and when you crashed here on earth, keith went with you. i was left all alone. i got fired by the garrison last year because i found the security footage. of you. strapped to that table.”

“adam,” says shiro gently and puts his hand on adam’s shoulder. adam is shaking and his chest heaves with the force of trying not to break down crying. adam laughs, and it’s the saddest sound of grief and struggle and happiness that shiro has ever heard. his heart hurts.

“i’ve known that you are alive. hoping. especially since i heard that sam came back. i’ve wanted to talk to him but he’s been in quarantine at the garrison since he landed there.”

“quarantine?” shiro shakes his head hard, trying to figure that one out on the spot. adam is not done talking, so he stores the thought for later for the team to help him figure it out. quarantine, though? according to pidge’s calculations, sam holt should have landed on earth two months ago. why would he be in quarantine for that long?

“yeah,” adam takes a deep breath and the two of them meet each other’s eyes. there is a lot of love and a lot of hurt between them. humming a low melody across the space. “why didn’t you tell me you were alive?”

shiro does not look away. keeps that link of love and hurt, swallows around his sandpaper tongue and tries his best to keep his voice steady. 

“i was afraid they’d find you.” those were some of his worst nightmares as a galra prisoner. he often dreamt of blood and bones breaking, guts squirming and broken chests wheezing and eyes crying and skin torn apart under his hands and melting tongues and -

“-ashi?”

but the worst dreams were those about the galra finding his loved ones. still are. shiro was scared. months of torture led to him believing they could read his every thought. he was still afraid when he got the castle of lions. afraid of even thinking about those he loved back on earth. loved ones are weaknesses and the galra wanted to get rid of all weakness. they cut off his infected arm. they pumped his blood with drugs and highly advanced steroids to make him stronger. they made him exercise for hours every day. they injected pure quintessence into his skeleton to keep his bones from breaking during the arena fights.

“takashi!” the hands putting pressure on his shoulders brings him out of his thoughts. “hello?” concerned eyes. forehead wrinkled. glasses slipping down his nose. his hand waving back and forth in a slow and lingering movement.

“yes,” says shiro and his voice breaks. “sorry. it’s hard to talk and think about it.”

“i understand,” says adam gently. he takes his hands off to avoid invading shiro’s personal space. “i get it. you couldn’t contact me out of fear. i guess that’s fair. i’m just - i dunno.” he shrugs and shakes his head. “i don’t know what to think. i’m confused. i’m angry. and i want to personally kill this bitch haggar for messing with the love of my life.”

the love of his _life_.

the _love_ of his life.

the _love of his life_.

tugging at the corners of shiro’s mouth is a warm and bashful smile. dusting his face is the words of adam, a color of a barely visible pink. heartbeat beneath his skin, threads of admiration and simple complicated pure love for this man. the way he said it, like it was casual, just normal, like nothing has changed - which it has, but maybe he still loves shiro as he did in the past. and now he’s watching for shiro’s response, unaware of what his words does to shiro’s deepest parts and inside.

“i’m the love of your life?”

adam blinks like he just realizes what he said. then he, too, smiles in the most fond way. he looks away and shiro laughs, leaning forward in the process. adam joins in the laughter and he leans his head against shiro’s shoulder.

“shut up,” he chuckles. “i’m still mad at you.” his warm breath against shiro’s skin.

_i want to kiss you._

“i love you too,” says shiro without thinking. perhaps it’s too early to say that to adam. perhaps there is more to talk about and more to work at, because as adam said: he is still mad and shiro’s a little messed up so perhaps it’s not the best time to-

“i love you too,” says adam with his lips grazing shiro’s neck. shiro grins in adam’s messy, apple-smelling hair.

“i love you too,” says shiro again.

“i love you too,” says adam.

they’re crying again. adam raises his head from shiro’s shoulder. scoots closer. they’re touching knee to knee. a breeze sneaks its way in from the open balcony. the song of a summer bird.

adam scoots closer. they’re touching forehead to forehead. nose to nose. palm to palm.

_god, i want to kiss you._

“i love you too,” says shiro under his breath. and he puts his hand on adam’s jaw. touches the corners of his mouth with soft, soft fingers.

“c’mon, you coward,” says adam and shiro snorts. adam takes the matter into his own hands. firmly places his hands around shiro’s face and kisses him.

and kisses him.

kisses him, kisses him, kisses him.

the taste of him - his soft lips that desperately needs some lip balm, the faint taste of coffee. his warm cheeks and skin that’s sore from crying for hours and hours at no end. shiro’s missed these lips, these teeth, this tongue, this mind, this heart, this love. he’s missed them so incredibly, painfully much.

and shiro’s fingers braid into adam’s messy tangles. like adam is the only one keeping him anchored to the ground. and adam smiles into the kissing and shiro chuckles and then there’s a gentle touch of tongue sweeping across the roof of shiro’s mouth, sending shivers down his neck. shiro breaks the kiss and a teasing smile lifts his now well-kissed lips while his eyes are still closed. he feels adam’s breath on his chin.

“you bastard,” whispers shiro. adam snorts and puts his head on shiro’s collarbone. “you know what that does to me.”

“mm-hmm,” hums adam and kisses his neck. mouthing his way up shiro’s skin until he reaches his jawline, where shiro opens his eyes and takes over to kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss every inch of adam’s face. his freckled cheeks and the tip of his sunburnt nose. every single birthmark and mole; the one on his left cheekbone, the ones on his forehead, the one just by the corner of his mouth.

“i love you,” says shiro. it’s the words of a playful stream, a living flood, a magnificent river, a mighty ocean. waterdrop upon waterdrop of love, love, love, for adam, adam, adam. the words and the kissing are a forest fire, destroying everything that has happened but keeping the basic design; preparing for a new beginning. preparing for growth and blooming life, preparing for finally being back with adam.

“i love you too,” says adam with fond eyes behind glass and shiro leans in to kiss him again.

 _god, i missed you._  


**Author's Note:**

> pls let them be together in season 7,, please dreamworks,,,,
> 
> [u can follow me on tumblr](https://gaymerlance.tumblr.com/)
> 
> oh if u liked this then u can rb it from my tumblr! i'd really appriciate that! [here's the link!](https://gaymerlance.tumblr.com/post/176457394809/relationship-adamshiro-word-count-6971/)


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